Upon Julia’s Breasts
BY Robert Herrick
Display thy breasts, my Julia, there let me
Behold that circummortal purity;
Between whose glories, there my lips I’ll lay,
Ravished in that fair Via Lactea.
If I had to rewrite this as a person living in 2015, not the 1600's like the original poet did, it would go something like this:
Upon Julia's Bodacious Boobs
Show me your boobs, my Julia, and let me
look at those AH-MAZING tatas
I'll kiss your cleavage (and maybe a little motorboating)
delighted because they are as awesome as the Milky Way galaxy
Now, I might be dumbing it down a bit and not doing Herrick much justice, but you gotta love a guy with enough guts to straight up write a poem about a woman's breasts. When he wrote in the seventeenth century, most people described it as obscene but I believe his work is making a comeback in modern times. I do have to applaud his dedication to a woman's bosom. NOTE: he has also written about Julia's clothes and about how they hide her sexy body from her. Check it out here.
Oh, to be Julia in this situation. Should a woman be flattered? According to his biography, Herrick never married and his love poems have never been attributed to any specific woman, although I noticed his mother's name was Julia so that's a little funky. If a man that I was seeing or wanted to see romantically or sexually wrote a poem about my breasts, I would totally flattered and want it done in a cross-stitch or something. But if a man on the subway yelled this at me, I might not be so inclined to enjoy it. Either way, I appreciate his dedication to the female form and I love seeing a glimpse into the minds of the horny people of times past. Imagine, even 300 years ago, straight dudes were totally enamored with women's boobs.
And if anybody wants to compare my body to the wonderment of the galaxy, I'm all for it. HINT HINT.