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Danielle Donaldson blogs here. What I'm reading now. What I'm writing now. My various thoughts about romance novels, publishing and writing at large and the sexy stuff that comes to mind! 

Scheduling Self-Care: Taking Time to Take Care of Yourself

Danielle Donaldson

This self-care series was supposed to be posted in September. Obviously, that didn't happen. So, things tend to get pushed to the bottom of my to-do list especially self-care. Here are some tips to make sure that you fit in your self-care into your busy day. 

Schedule it 

Write it down. Whether you jot it down in your Bullet Journal or Passion Planner or a post-it note on your mirror. Writing it down give you a physical reminder to do it. It also give you a sense of accomplishment that you completed it. 

Accountability Partner

Tell your spouse or partner that you are planning on doing more for yourself or that you need ten minutes to mediate at the end of the day. In my online parenting group, we have a daily self-care check in where we share what we did for self-care that day. It's a great way to get ideas of various forms of self-care and also check-in when we have something to share. 

Habit Tracker

If you haven't delved into the world of BuJo (aka bullet journaling) let me stop you before you travel down that productivity wormhole that you will never escape from. If you have, you are probably already familiar with the concept of a habit tracker. Or basically a place that you track if you have drank enough water for the day or did your daily affirmations or went to the gym. It helps to have a visual reminder of things you intended on completing. 

Think Small

Every piece of self-care doesn't have to be expensive or time-consuming. It can be as simple as using your favorite hand cream or reading a library book or making yourself your favorite meal. Low expectations usually mean that you have a much more manageable goal.  

 

How are you taking care of yourself lately? Shout out in the comments.  

Why "Don't Give Up!" Is a Total Crock of Crap

Danielle Donaldson

I'm an eternal optimist...when it comes to other people. I really do believe that people are trying their best, doing great jobs, and everyone is just killing it in their own special ways. Unfortunately, I cannot seem to extend that same grace and compassion towards myself. It's something that I'm working on. I need to work on being my own best friend. I need to tell myself the same things that I would tell my best friend or even a stranger on the street. Trust me, I'm working on it.  

Lately, my almost 9 month old son refuses to breastfeed. Part of it is always being on the go and he'd rather cruise around the room playing than sit down and nurse quietly for a few minutes. Part of it is that he's eating more solid foods and my supply has lowered. Part of it is his teeth which has made nursing a little cringe-worthy since he's been using me as a human chew toy. The other night, while I was trying to wrestle him into a bedtime nursing session, he bit me. He broke the skin. It wasn't pretty. Because of the injury, I've been pumping to try and keep my supply but it's pitiful and frustrating and puts me on the verge of tears. 

Now, if my friend came up to me and told me this, I would rub her on the back and gently say that she's tried her best. And as long as her baby is happy and healthy, she is doing a great job. I would pour her a hot cup of coffee and talk it out. Because this is happening to myself, my internal dialogue resembles more of a Miss Trunchbull than a Miss Honey. (Matilda reference, what's up?!)  

"Just try something different" 

"Don't give up"  

"Try again."  

"Your baby needs you."  

"This is natural, dammit!"  

"Don't give up! Never give up, Never surrender!!!"  

Giving up isn't a failure. Surrending to the circumstances that life has given you is sometimes the smartest move. When we stress the importance of persistence over the value of self-preservation, we end up with dude-bros who don't know when to stop texting, when end up with mothers crying at their desks because they forget to turn on the crockpot, when end up with children who vomit because their science fair project didn't work out. If it's your book that is sagging in the middle, if it's a crappy relationship, if it's a day that just won't stop kicking your ass, it's okay. Put it down. If it's not servicing you any longer, put it down. It will be there for another time. It's going to be okay. 

Sometimes, we need to acknowledge our limitations. It's okay to feel defeated, maybe even cry a little, and then gather ourselves together and try again tomorrow or maybe just try something differently.  

Buck up, kiddo. Tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow is a new chance.  

I'm not a stranger to struggle. I'm not one to look at a challenge and back down. I got married at 19. I hopped in a uHaul and drove 3000 miles away with my new husband. Once upon a time, I had a full school schedule, a full-time job and an internship. I had two babies without epidurals. I have enough confidence in myself that I know I can do a lot. I also know that I'm not a "quitter." 

But, I'm human. I only have some much mind space, emotional space, physical capabilities.  

So, today I'm licking my wounds, pouring a giant glass of wine and reminding myself that I always have tomorrow.  

So, self. Listen here: Be kind to yourself. Be your own best friend.  

 

Guilt: Because....Everything

Danielle Donaldson

I'm a mother to two small, rowdy, active boys. One is 4 years old, the other is almost 9 months old. I'm running around from son up to son down, everyday. I'm lucky enough to be able to stay home full-time with my children. I try my best with them. I get them to school on time. They have clean clothes and are fed. By all accounts, they are happy and healthy. So, what do I have to feel guilty about? I'm so glad you asked.

When I birthed my first child, I was also gifted with the heavy burden of a giant ol' suitcase full of guilt. 

Some things that I currently feel guilty for:  

- Not working out of the home and providing financially for my family  

- Thinking about working out of the home and taking time away from my children

- Wanting to spend any time away from my children

- That my mental health suffers if I spend all my time with my children

- The fact that my son eats peanut butter approximately 8 times a day

- The baby might have tried to eat dog food the other day

- The baby refused to nurse

- The baby bit me while I was trying to nurse him  

- I don't take my children out of the house enough  

- I don't give my children enough time to play at the house  

- I hover too much  

- I don't hover enough  

- I am too stern  

- I am too soft

- I am not emotionally available to both of them simultaneously all the time

- But they'll never learn to be independent

- They eat processed foods which will give them cancer probably

- But fruits and vegetables are sprayed with pesticides that will give them cancer

- If they don't wear sunscreen, their skin will burn and they will get cancer

- But sunscreen gives them cancer   

I could go on. I mostly feel guilty for almost every. Single. Decision I make every single day in regards to my children. I feel like I'm doing too much and not enough at the same time. I could be doing something differently, or more, or better. And I feel like I'm constantly screwing them up. Like this one thing will be the thing that they tell their therapist in 20 years about me. "Yeah, one time, my mom said she would leave me at Target if I didn't hurry up and it totally freaked me out and now I'm constantly worried about abandonment in my relationships." Or "One time, my mom was on the phone and yelled at me to calm down and stop screaming like a banshee and that really made me feel like my voice doesn't need to be heard." Or "my mom let me eat tortilla chips and peanut butter because that's all I would eat for the entire 4th year of my life and that's why I have cancer." 

The problem with raising small humans is that there are no real-life progress reports. You don't know if you did a good job until they are adults and they don't end up on the Dr. Phil show complaining about you.  

Nobody cares that you made it through the 4th tantrum of the day without throwing a plate against the wall. Nobody cares that you managed to get to the grocery store with both children AND all the food you were supposed to buy. Nobody cares that you managed to get them bed at the same time before 9pm. Nobody cares but your children. They care. You are their world. You are the mentor, the guiding light, the beacon of adulthood. 

That's why we feel guilty. We feel guilty because our children deserve the best. They deserve for us to be operating at 100%. And when we inevitably fall short of perfection, we feel that guilt wash over us, because we love our children so much. 

So that guilt? The feeling in your gut as you lay down and sigh at the end of day is a good sign. It means you're doing your best and you still want more for your children and your family.

It means you're doing an awesome job. 

 

The Beginner's Guide to Self-Care

Danielle Donaldson

The Importance of Self-Care  

Self-care is the act of taking care of one's self. It's refilling the creative well. It's recharging your spiritual, emotional, creative, physical batteries. For some, it means staying home and not talking to people. For others, they need social interaction with others to feel recharged. It's about the balance in life from taking care of other people, fulfilling our responsibilities as constructive members of society and doing the day-to-day activities that keep our lives going smoothly. 

As a writer, I find incredibly important to take care of myself or I have nothing to put onto the page. As a mother and a wife, I find that if I get burnt out, I'm less patient, less compassionate, less able to give myself to another human being.  

Part of the safety briefing on an airplane says that if you are traveling with a child, that you must put on your air-mask first, because if you don't, you will pass out from oxygen deprivation and not be able to help anyone. Self-care is exactly that. It is making sure that you don't pass out from oxygen deprivation or emotional exhaustion or spiritual burnout.  

For the month of September, I will be exploring the importance of self-care and giving some examples of it.  

Examples of Self-Care

If you are an introvert, you might enjoy activities that are quiet and done on your own. 

  • Sipping some tea on the front porch  
  • Listening to a podcast in the bathtub
  • An afternoon run with your favorite playlist
  • Putting together a puzzle 

If you are an extrovert, you may enjoy activities out with other people.  

  • Spending time with family
  • Happy Hour with co-workers
  • Camping with friends
  • Trivia Night at the pub

Goals of Self-Care

    The main goal of self-care is to make you feel better. It's basically the human version of unplugging a router and plugging it back in.  

What are you favorite forms of self-care? What refills your creative well?

Beyond The Friend Zone - Story Spotlight!!!

Danielle Donaldson

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 "A Weekend at the Lake" by A.E. Snow

 

Meet the Story:

Alison lives in a tiny apartment in New York with her roommate, a reality tv junkie. As a writer and freelance juggling projects, she’s pushed her novel aside to do work that actually pays and she’s stuck in a rut. When she gets an invitation to a weekend-long birthday bash for a college buddy, she accepts, hoping a few days at beautiful Lake Tahoe will inspire her. But instead of being inspired, she just feels like a failure, being surrounded by her friends whose lives seem so perfect. She begins to wonder where she went wrong with her life, but could Daniel, an old friend, help her see that the key to her success has been in her all along.

Meet the Author:

A.E. Snow writes MG, YA, and the occasional essay. She’s a Potterhead (Ravenclaw) and spends too much time reading about Duchess Kate. She loves all shades of blue and doesn't go anywhere without her kindle. Nowhere. Sometimes she takes a book too.

Catch her online!

http://aesnowauthor.com/

https://www.facebook.com/aesnowauthor/

https://twitter.com/aesnowauthor 

 BEYOND THE FRIEND ZONE is available on Amazon!